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Nailing it:

The game involves a tree stump, some nails, and a hammer — the type where the back end of the head is a thin blade rather than a fork. The object of the game is simple: each player takes a nail and tries to bang it into the stump using the thin end of the hammer head. You get one swing at a time, and if you miss the nail completely you have to drink some beer
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The Nailing Game had an answer too to my own presentation, in which I had been expatiating on what a friend fondly calls my “Marxist bullshit” about how contemporary videogames recreate the structures of industrial labour and so lull us into rehearsing and normalizing our own slavery to capital in our “leisure time” — while also, in a diabolical twist, taking our money.

I’ll get a Monday Jam up later.

We’re going to close out the year with a rocker from Elvis Costello’s first album, let’s all do the Mystery Dance. (Shhh, but I’m pretty sure this song is a euphemism about something we’ve all done.)

Well, I was down under the covers in the middle of the night
Tryin’ to discover my left foot from my right
You can see those pictures in any magazine
But what’s the use of looking when you don’t know what they mean?

Modern Christmas is like primitive Keynesianism, a short-run-oriented economic experiment that has been tried and found wanting. It is the flipside of the positive contribution the “Protestant ethic” once made to capitalism — Christianity’s high holiday now almost certainly makes us feel worse off. What is to be done? I suggest an experimental two- to three-year moratorium on the whole affair, to let us pay our bills and recover some of the distance we’ve lost. This may sound like tough medicine to youngsters, and to all the other interest groups that have acquired such large commercial stakes in this annual ritual — from bulb manufacturers to ambulance drivers. But the rest of us can no longer afford it. If we celebrate this holiday at all, we should do so mainly because it is over for at least one more year.

Heh, a funny tongue in cheek commentary on Christmas. I’m off work until January 5th, posting will probably be light. Be safe everyone!

totally badass:

Dear Servers,

Let’s talk about how to handles tables in your restaurant that contain children under 5 and how you can maximize your tip.

First let us clear up a common misconception. Parents with small childrem are not eating in your restaurant because they want to. They are only eating there for 3 reasons:
1. Someone without children thought it would be fun to take everyone out to dinner.
2. They were caught away from home at the same time that a child started screaming for food.
3. They are terminally retarded.

That means that when you see a parent come into your restaurant with small children in tow they only want 2 things:
1. To get some food shoved into everyone’s faces AS FAST AS POSSIBLE
2. To accomplish it with as little screaming as possible. See point 1 above.

So when you see parents come in here is how to maximize your tip and make sure everyone leaves happy. Get drink orders, bring the children’s first. Get food orders, bring the children’s out first. Immediately. As soon as humany possible. The faster these children are having food shoved into their darling faces the less potential for screaming. Bring out the adult food order, and just bring the check with it. When the parents pay process it quickly.

See how easy it is? Its so simple I can barely stand to type it: When you see parents with small children imagine that you hate them and want them to leave the restaurant as soon as possible.

I know that you are too busy trying to score coke, or land that acting gig, or get laid by the bartender, or whatever it is that unencumbered 20-something waiters and waitresses do to care about me and my kids. But you do care about money and this is how to maximize that money.

Just remember that every second I am listening to a hungry or bored child screaming into my ear its coming out of your ass.

Cheers,
Pat Rock

Obama, The College Years Dude was smooove.

This has apparently become my yearly Christmas tradition but what better time to meditate on class war than at such a materialistic time as this, in such a year as this?

The Kinks - Father Christmas.

But give my daddy a job ’cause he needs one
He’s got lots of mouths to feed
Have yourself a merry merry Christmas
Have yourself a good time
But remember the kids who got nothin’
While you’re drinkin’ down your wine

Tags: father christmas, the kinks

Dear Mr. President Elect,

Honestly, if I was in the same room with you I might throw a shoe at you. Except I’m afraid of being detained and beaten

Should I even bother reminding you that a significant number of people who voted for you are indeed that hoary old cliche, “Leftists” with a capital L?

So what’s the deal with appointing only moderates and former Clintonistas? In addition to Hilary and Rahm Emanuel (who absolutely should have been my first clue) you’ve appointed: Tom Daschle to Health and Human Services, Former Iowa Governor (Big Ag.), Tom Vilsack to be Sec. of Agriculture, and Ken Salazar (Moderate democrat, big mining, big ranching, friend of many GOPers) to Sec of Interior. Add to that Robert Gates and Paul Volker (who I love, I really do, but c’mon the man was a Reaganite) and I’m feeling a little sold out.

And now this, you’re going to have Rick Warren do the invocation at your inauguration. Really? Really? That fat tool in a Hawaiian shirt gets to say the prayer at the biggest ceremony of your life? Mr. Obama you’re the first President we’ve elected from a legitimately progressive Christian movement in decades, maybe ever, and you can’t find it in your heart to throw us a bone and pick a progressive member of the clergy to say the freakin’ prayer? Many of us respect Black black liberation theology, James Cone, and even Reverend Wright.

I understand that you can’t ask Wright to do it (even if everything he said in his clip was true, except the crazy HIV/AIDS stuff, but you can’t blame him for being paranoid.), but there are any number of other high profile liberal ministers you could have asked. Carlton Pearson, a black Pentecostal Universalist, would have been an excellent choice, for example.

But instead of picking an interesting minister who could help restart our national religious dialogue you’ve picked a boring fat prick who thinks that abortion equals the holocaust, equates gay marriage with pedophilia and incest and thinks God appointed the US to take out Iran.

And really, what’s interesting about that?

Signed,
Pat Rock

Tags: inauguaration, invocation, Obama, Rick Warren

There’s about a billion different ways to draw hands, Tom Richmond (MAD magazine artist) just posted a nice and simple tutorial on drawing hands that I think is worth passing on. I’ll echo what he says though, the only way to learn to draw hands (and feet) is to practice practice practice. Fortunately most of us have two of each so we always have a willing model. Mirrors are helpful too. And don’t forget to copy the masters! Here’s a recent dip pen sketch based on an Albert Dorne hand:

Tags: albert dorne, hands, tom richmand

I was listening to Simmons podcast with Collinsworth and they said something I’ve been arguing for years, good seats in the end zone for a a good football game trump good seats on the 50.

When you sit in the end zone you can watch the entire drive unfold before you from a perspective you can’t get any other way. It’s magnificent.

I learned this a few years ago when we traded up tickets for OSU at IU and sat in the IU student section. The view was unbelievable as we watched OSU destroy IU from the same angle the players were seeing.

If you ever get a chance to get good end zone seats for what you think will be a good game do not pass them up. You will not regret it I promise.